hultberg.org: LinkLog

Joi Ito about becoming a cranky old man

This is a feeling I recognise. It is hard not to get emotional on subjects you have spent a lot of time on getting nowhere.

Interesting point by Joi:

Many of the old men I know are cranky. They are often cranky because they've been fighting long battles. Battles about technology, battles about politics, battles about education, all kind of battles. Most old men have their hot buttons that trigger a rush of memories of these battles. When most old men talk to each other, they sense these hot buttons and generally avoid each other's hot buttons.

Diplomacy in a nutshell. ;)

Hiding in ivory towers, discussing sensitive subjects only with those you deem worthy is not a solution though. It worsens the problem. What the world needs is more moderators. People that can referee discussions and negotiations, slapping red cards in the faces of those crossing the fine line where a debate becomes a fight.

To my experience, the situations Joi describes mostly occur when there is too much ground between the parts of the discussion. Their views are too disparate, and they lack understanding of the other parties situation and goals. Page slapping for a while could perhaps be a way of reaching a more common ground. ;)

Update: When I read Joi's post I remembered a classic situation often mentioned in litterature about negotiations and conflict solving: negotiating the peace treaty between Israel and Egypt. During neogiations no ground was gained due to the fact that both parties wanted control of Sinai. Analysis of the conflict showed that to Egypt, controlling Sinai was a matter of tradition and self esteem. To Israel it was a matter of security, they didn't want Egypt troops near their border. Since the two parties had different goals in the conflict it was resolved using classic win-win: Egypt got jurisdiction of Sinai but it was declared a de-militarized zone. In that way Egypt could keep face but Israel could sleep well at night.

So what does this teach us? Focusing on the underlying goals and interests of the parties involved can make a conflict easier to resolve.

Of course the litterature of conflict resolution presents us with some basic rules of thumb (what else would conflict resolving consultants rely on when presenting themselves):

1. Focus on the underlying interests and goals instead of stand points and positions.
2. Make sure you separate the person and the problem. Don't let your view of the problem to resolve be colored by your opinion of the person acting as your counterpart. Call a "time out" and talk about something completely different (or nothing at all...) if you are starting to mix the two. It is still important to try and see the problem from the other parties perspective though. Place yourself in their situation and walk that famous mile in their shoes (in that way, when they get pissed you already are a mile ahead and they have no shoes ;).
3. If possible, try to do mutual work to reformulate the problem as a problem you have in common. If the different viewpoints can be replaced with a mutual viewpoint and efforts can be made to solve a mutual problem the discussion can become less heated and more focused on the issue at hand.
4. If the negotiation is making progress and solutions are discussed, make sure you formulate solutions in such a way that it is possible for the counterpart to agree with them without losing face.

To learn more about this, search for articles by Marta Cullberg Weston.

Update: Aesop once said this suitable quote:

The shaft of the arrow had been feathered with one of the eagle's own plumes. We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction.

Next time you are about to lose your mind in a debate, think of Aesop.

Update: I never really tried manual ping. Found a trackback-link on Joi's site to this article (btw, great new design, I love it!) and am going to try pasting it in MT's "URLs to Ping"-field and see what happens. Wonder if I have styled the resulting information at all?

Joi Ito's Web: Becoming a cranky old man

Random fortune brought to you by www.fortunes.nu:

:: ()